Something happened to me. I'm almost certain it has happened to some of you also. Let me start...I had a friend. His name,... "Stew", short for Stewart. Stew was one of those guys who really cared about people. He was always positive and helping someone out. If you needed something, Stew was the dude to call. Everyone knew this. Some people even took advantage of this trait.
Stew was the kind of guy who always appeared to be pretty upbeat and happy for the most part, but for some reason, I sensed a dark spot in his personality. Nobody else could see it but I could. For a long time I tried to tell him that he needed to take some time for himself and do some things that he wanted to do rather than do what everyone else needed him to do.
His answer was this; "That's just plain selfish Dave. You should spend more time helping other people...besides, if I do anything for myself I feel guilty...or worse, someone else will accuse me of thinking only about myself. Helping others makes me happy."
I can see how this can happen...the whole feeling guilty because you can't help someone out for one reason or another. I have experienced this myself. You do something you would like to do and some ass-fucking-hole comes along and tells you that you are being a selfish bastard for doing something for yourself.
Selfishness is something I can't friggin' stand, but what I can't stand even more so are people who get all bent and accuse someone of being selfish simply because a person goes off and to do something for themselves, rather than do the bidding of a person who perceives themselves as needing help.
It's selfish not to think about other folks...period. On the flip side, it's extremely selfish to give someone the guilt trip for not helping you out. Just like everything else on this rock, you need to keep the balance in all things...including selfishness.
You need to go out and do things for yourself. You need to be selfish at times and you shouldn't give a rats ass about if other people will see it as a selfish act. Get the hell over it! Sure you need to take the time to help others, and honestly, I have seen no other group of people help more folks than the bikers that I know, but, the thing that gives the biker the appearance that they are care a free group, for the most part, is due to the fact that they do cut loose and have a good time without fear of being rebuked. They defy the demands that are made upon them when they need to be defied. They know how to stand up for what they know to be just and right at all costs. I think that is where the whole "outlaw" crap comes from. Sometimes we just will not go along with the program. It's a beautiful thing.
So go out and be selfish once in awhile. Tell some folks, "No, I'm sorry bro...I can't help you because I have plans." Go out and do something you really want to do.
How do I know what I'm saying is absolute truth? Well, my friend Stew just took himself out of this world. For some reason he couldn't say "No". For some reason he started to feel like a door mat. No matter how much he helped others. No matter what he did for others...it just wasn't enough and it started to mess with his melon. He got tired of it all and could find no peace anymore...simply because he wasn't selfish enough.
I implore you to be selfless, but also be equally selfish. Stew finally learned that and made up for it in one final act. The sad fact is I hear people now talking about how he was selfish by taking himself away from the rest of us. (Another selfish statement if you ask me. Makes me wanna' slap the crap outta' them.)
You can control this simply by keeping the balance once again. Just keep the balance Brothers and Sisters. Help yourself as often as you help others. You are definitely worth it and SCREW anyone else who gives you shit for it. As long as you take as much as you give then you are well grounded.
Selfishness isn't always such a bad thing. Stew's last act, and probably his only act of "selfishness" has taught me alot on the subject. "Peace my brother. You were a good man and cared about everyone you met. It's too bad that all those selfish bastards took everything from you. I promise that I won't let them do it to me. Thanks for everything."
Amen
Friday, August 19, 2011
Biker Sermon: Selfishness
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13 comments:
Powerful words written here Dave. May Stew find the peace in the here-after he couldn't find here.
:( amen. ride in peace stew, ride in peace.
argh grrr, another good one gone! i'll tell ya, these times, its so hard on peeps, everyone's stretched so thin, that anything (or everything) can set off anyone.
touching post dave. maybe your words will help someone. i know ive need reminders like this myself recently... thanks dave. sorry for your loss.
Sad stuff. We should never judge because Stew must have felt that was the only way that he could be at peace with whatever demons were there with him. May his soul fly free now and be at peace.
That's really sad. Tooback he could'nt take your advise and enjoy doing for himself what he did for others.
Losing a friend is always bad. Losing a good guy who helped people out like Stew obviously did is even worse. Getting the balance right and doing some things for yourself is important and maybe Stew’s final act was the one difficult thing he really did do for himself. Rest In Peace Stew.
Giving of yourself is a great thing. Giving in spite of yourself is not so good.
It's always so sad that some folks have to give to the point of being detrimental to their own life. They give and give until there's nothing left. They give to the point of losing themselves. They try to please so many people that the only control that they have over themselves is some type of self-destructive behavior.
I hope you finally find the peace that you were looking for Stew.
I'm Sorry to learn about Stew. Until you stated the last part I was knowing exactly the guilt trip feeling folks give that you were spelling out.
Stew must have been a tall man in big shoes holding it all in like that. God rest his soul.
Well Said Brother!
He has left a fine legacy of truth and learning it sounds. By your passing on his life story, his strength and ideals live on. It is something to be learned. Very sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry to read about your friend. It's a terrible thing when we feel like someone goes before their time.
Sometimes, I find myself carrying a burden of guilt, until I realize it's not really my guilt to carry so... it becomes the time to unload.
It's VERY hard to do, especially if you feel like your letting someone down when you say... "no".
The older I get, the better I get at it. Maybe I'm getting tired, but more likely, I'm getting wiser. At least that's gonna be my story and I'm sticking to it!
RIP Stew... you can relax now.
Touching post. Thanks for the reminder.
A long long time I knew a "Stew." His wife was chronically ill, his Mom in a long battle with cancer, his daughter had difficulty in school and his dad a drunk.
He worked three jobs to keep a house for everyone and spent all his time trying to take care of everyone.
One Saturday night, something happened; something broke. He took the .38 from his drunk Dad's night stand, went for a walk and ended it.
RIP Stew.
Sad for Stew, sad for the folks that were his real friends. A pal, a retired psychologist, told me that suicide is "an act of anger." I guess Stew was just too nice to just get angry at the right people. It's okay to sometimes get angry at people who deserve it, sometimes it's even good.
Damn.. Sorry for the loss
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